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230: Black and White - The Sword of Heaven [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
the Archangel Gabriel

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230: Black and White [May. 28th, 2008  ~  02:34 pm]
the Archangel Gabriel
[mood |sadquiet]

In the beginning was the Word…

In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not

In the beginning-- in the beginning things were-- so much simpler. So much more straightforward. There was the Light, and there was the darkness. I don’t even say ‘good’ and ‘evil’ because we didn’t have those concepts yet, not then, not at the start of things when each star was sung awake, the void filling with points of glory, first one then another then another, answering flares echoing the first, every sun in the universe coming to life.

What use for words like good and evil back then? We didn’t think that way. We only saw: saw the light, and the dark. The white-- the brightest white, a white so pure, so dazzling, that it cannot be seen by human eyes-- against the black, the waiting cradling darkness that rolls out and out forever, the great ocean in which all the worlds and galaxies are only islands…

So simple, then. White. Black. No baggage, no moral nothin’ attached. Just the beauty.

Good and evil come later. Later, when the light-bearer, the first of us, the blazing son who was himself such brilliance-- when he fled the only Light brighter than himself and headed down, outta Dodge, away from the throne and paradise. Chose the shadows when he couldn’t be the Sun. Claimed the darkness as the alternative, never thinking about the fact that, you know, the dark was just as much the work and creation of the God he’d renounced.

But the Name didn’t remind him of that fact, didn’t point out that Everything is mine, everything is the work of My hands, o My child; where can you go that I am not present? No. The Name sat back and sighed and let the child do as he pleased, because some things you gotta learn for yourself.

So the dark became his, my brother’s, became associated with all sorts of stuff that was never in the original plan, and a lot of the beauty went from it then. The universe became that much more complex.

But things were still simple, overall. The light, and what was not the light. We knew who was who and what was what and that our brothers were now our enemies even if we didn’t understand the why.

And it went that way for a long time.

I knew my place. My function. Who I was, what I was supposed to do, how I fulfilled the Name’s plan in my own way. Never had any doubts about that. In hindsight I maybe should have.

But I did what I thought I should, thought was best, simple and obvious, black and white. And I reordered the universe in those terms, took the brothers who’d still been brothers and called them enemies instead, because I couldn’t allow for, could not comprehend, shades of grey. They were with me, or against me. Full stop.

In the beginning things were simpler.

And now…? Mmm. Now.

Look at me now, I am not what I was. Not in the beginning, not when I sparked in the void like the stars themselves, and not when I walked the earth with a black coat and a white shirt and red, red hands.

Look at me human, and all the stark simplicities were gone, black hair and white skin turned gray with age and dirt, black coat and white shirt the same. Everything muddled, muddied, mixed and blurred, everything that was obvious turned into a nightmare of complexities. That was what being human was-- nothing clear. Everything gray.

For now we see through a glass, darkly…

And, you know, I’m standing in the light once more, but you cannot go backwards. The universe moves forward. I can no more be what I was in the beginning than a child can separate white and black paint after having mixed them together.

I’m standing in the light, but everywhere I look I’m seein’ only grey. Seeing the good in the enemy and the bad in my brothers and the shadows in paradise. The human in me don’t wipe off so easy.

Michael did this to me. Or the Name did. Either. Both. And Father…

…I trust You, You know that I do, but… it used to be easier, Father. Obeying used to be simpler. But You changed me, Father, and I’m still figuring out what You want from me now. It is Your plan and so it is, must be, good and right, and I believe this…

...but I wonder what happens on the day that I see the darkness in You too.


gabriel * the prophecy series (movie) * word count: 789